As I write this it is 1:45pm and storming in the Ivory Coast and I will be there in a week. I head to Pre-Departure Orientation (PDO) tomorrow. I spent much of yesterday working on packing and will finish that job up today. It's crazy and suddenly so real.
The other day, at church, I shared with the congregation the mission I'm joining in the Ivory Coast this summer. In turn, they prayed over me. I don't know if you've ever experienced that, but it's incredible. When you're surrounded by this community... when the weight of these people is on you, yet they lift you up... when you hear them whispering prayer, words of care and support... I don't know how else to to explain it but to say that is the body of Christ. I hope you all experience that sometime. I'm getting on a plane to the Ivory Coast, but I couldn't make it without everyone else, I can't do it alone. After each service people would come to me, asking questions, granting encouragement, and most importantly, promising prayer. Most of these were people I'd known my entire life, but some know only my parents, and one was actually a visitor. I can't begin to say how much this all means to me, how loved and full I felt. Looking back, however, I feel a little conflicted. You see, I think this is how the body should always act, not just with people that are going overseas on a mission trip, but with everyone. We should always be listening, we should always be encouraging, we should always be praying for our brothers and sisters in Christ. Because wherever you follow God's call on your life will be full of temptation, and wherever you follow God's call will be dangerous. Wherever you follow God's call important, and good. So encourage your family of believers, pray for them. Remember that your call, be it school, or work, in the United States or Timbuktu, is vital to God's Kingdom. Be the body of Christ out there.
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
Countdown, Fear?
The countdown has begun. In 9 days I will be joining the other CMF interns and short term missionaries at Pre-Departure Orientation in Indianapolis, we will be there for 6 days before hopping on planes to our various destinations. So, in other words, 2 weeks from tomorrow I will be on a plane and arriving in the Ivory Coast. Wahoo!
As I talk to people about this mission, I'm often asked if I'm scared, or a comment will be made about how brave it is to go so far away. If I'm honest, I don't really know how to respond, I'm really not scared. (and if there is any fear, its solely in the area of fundraising. I'm scared to death of not raising enough money because asking for that money is so hard for me, I digress.) I understand where fear could come from, and why maybe I should be more intimidated, after all, I'm going to Africa-the other side of the world. We constantly hear in the news about fighting, kidnappings and all sorts of tragedy. I will be working with HIV patients, and others with who knows what kinds of disease and infection, I guess that should be a little scary. It's the unknown, a different culture, different language, different food.. but I'm excited for these, not scared.
For me, to travel across the world to serve people feels like I'm actually going home. For as long as I can remember I've dreamed of this. I think when you've felt God calling you someplace for your whole life, to finally follow isn't so scary as the thought of not going is. Maybe the fear is still lurking in my subconscious somewhere, or God knows the possibility of such fear, because everywhere I turn I seem to be reminded of a few truths.
1 Peter 5:7 reminds us to "cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you," in 1 John 4 we're told that perfect love casts out all fear. I could name verse after verse with these themes, in the book of Joshua God is constantly reminding him to "be strong and courageous" and not to fear. I've been told that we are told not to fear 365 times in the bible, I personally haven't counted but if that's true I think it's pretty cool, one time for every day of the year (except on leap years, I guess we just need to remember all the other days being told not to fear on that extra day).
I think there's more though. I mean, if I should be scared to go to the Ivory Coast (a pretty stable country in Africa right now) because I might get hurt or sick or kidnapped, or killed... well couldn't all those things happen if I stayed home? I mean, I live in Cincinnati. People here are hurt, sick, kidnapped, and killed too. I don't mean to take away the significance of this brokenness, or to say it doesn't matter, just that we live in a broken, sin filled world. I'm not afraid of what the world can do to me.
Recently I was reading in the book of John and something that Jesus said jumped out at me like it hadn't before. John 18:36 is often quoted, where Jesus says "My kingdom is not of this world" to Pilate. But just a chapter before Jesus is praying in the garden and he prays "My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world" (John 17:15-18). The way I see it, we're here in this world of pain and sickness, of kidnapping and killing, but that's not the whole story. The story is that God saves and though I may not be safe in the Ivory Coast, I am saved in Him. As Mr Beaver says in the Chronicles of Narnia about Aslan, “Safe?” said Mr. Beaver; “don’t you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you."
So am I scared? My answer is no, I'm not scared. I'm not safe either. But I believe with all my heart that God is good and it is my prayer that no matter what happens, all I do will bring glory only to His name. I pray that if I do get hurt, sick, kidnapped, or killed, that in someway my injury would cause people to look to the Lord. This world isn't my home.
So in 9 days I will go to PDO, in 15 I will go to the Ivory Coast. You can pray for safety (my mom would like that), but more importantly pray that I would be the Lord's vessel, that I may be used by Him.
PS I do still need to raise about $500 by tomorrow. So if you're able please visit www.cmfi.org/supportintern click on my name and you'll be taken to a age to make a financial donation. Thanks again!
 |
| Q.Where is the Ivory Coast? A. Circled in red, my friend! |
For me, to travel across the world to serve people feels like I'm actually going home. For as long as I can remember I've dreamed of this. I think when you've felt God calling you someplace for your whole life, to finally follow isn't so scary as the thought of not going is. Maybe the fear is still lurking in my subconscious somewhere, or God knows the possibility of such fear, because everywhere I turn I seem to be reminded of a few truths.
1 Peter 5:7 reminds us to "cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you," in 1 John 4 we're told that perfect love casts out all fear. I could name verse after verse with these themes, in the book of Joshua God is constantly reminding him to "be strong and courageous" and not to fear. I've been told that we are told not to fear 365 times in the bible, I personally haven't counted but if that's true I think it's pretty cool, one time for every day of the year (except on leap years, I guess we just need to remember all the other days being told not to fear on that extra day).
I think there's more though. I mean, if I should be scared to go to the Ivory Coast (a pretty stable country in Africa right now) because I might get hurt or sick or kidnapped, or killed... well couldn't all those things happen if I stayed home? I mean, I live in Cincinnati. People here are hurt, sick, kidnapped, and killed too. I don't mean to take away the significance of this brokenness, or to say it doesn't matter, just that we live in a broken, sin filled world. I'm not afraid of what the world can do to me.
Recently I was reading in the book of John and something that Jesus said jumped out at me like it hadn't before. John 18:36 is often quoted, where Jesus says "My kingdom is not of this world" to Pilate. But just a chapter before Jesus is praying in the garden and he prays "My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world" (John 17:15-18). The way I see it, we're here in this world of pain and sickness, of kidnapping and killing, but that's not the whole story. The story is that God saves and though I may not be safe in the Ivory Coast, I am saved in Him. As Mr Beaver says in the Chronicles of Narnia about Aslan, “Safe?” said Mr. Beaver; “don’t you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you."
So am I scared? My answer is no, I'm not scared. I'm not safe either. But I believe with all my heart that God is good and it is my prayer that no matter what happens, all I do will bring glory only to His name. I pray that if I do get hurt, sick, kidnapped, or killed, that in someway my injury would cause people to look to the Lord. This world isn't my home.
So in 9 days I will go to PDO, in 15 I will go to the Ivory Coast. You can pray for safety (my mom would like that), but more importantly pray that I would be the Lord's vessel, that I may be used by Him.
PS I do still need to raise about $500 by tomorrow. So if you're able please visit www.cmfi.org/supportintern click on my name and you'll be taken to a age to make a financial donation. Thanks again!
Monday, May 12, 2014
Announcements and diving in.
Hello there, friends!
I've been pretty busy these past couple weeks with wrapping up this semester of college and I'm pleased to announce that I am now a senior nursing student at Milligan College! This is so exciting and crazy for me, it appears that real adult life is right around the corner (or 362 days away.. but who's counting, right?). The overwhelming thought is not having any idea where in the world I'll be living a year from now, the exciting part is trusting God with that. I'm always up for a good adventure!
Speaking of adventure, I have a couple other pieces of exciting news. 1. My visa for the Ivory Coast has been received! 2. I have my plane tickets to and from the Ivory Coast! This is getting real, folks. I know now that I'm not only allowed in the country, but I also have a way of getting there (and my mom is pleased that I have tickets home ;) ).
Thank you all for your support, you rock! However, I still have about $1000 to raise, so if you were wondering whether I need your help, the answer is a resounding yes! It's been so awesome for me to see God working through his people to pave the path for me to serve in Africa, and I firmly believe that he will continue to do so.
I was reading in the book of John the other day and a particular part jumped out at me, I had to laugh a little bit at the mental image. In chapter 21 John shares this story of an interaction with the resurrected Christ. We have Peter, John, and a few other disciples that decided they'd like to go fishing (these guys had grown up fisherman so I get the sense that this was an incredibly calming and homey action for them). They fished through the night and didn't catch anything, which is kind of a bummer. Then, they hear this guy yelling at them from the shore, telling them to caste their nets on the other side, the disciples look at each other, shrug, say ok and do what they were told. Then John looks at Peter and says "isn't that the Lord?" and this is were is gets awesome. Peter grabs clothes (obviously he was the kind of guy to take his shirt off while fishin') jumps into the water and starts swimming to Jesus. At this point I imagine the other disciples looking at each other, mumbling something about Peter being crazy as they go about turning the boat to shore. I love how Peter was so excited to see Jesus that he couldn't wait another moment to get back to him. He dives right in, doesn't wait for the comfortable and safe boat to take him back, he just has to get there as fast as possible. The story continues with the boat arriving at shore and Peter jumping back in to help with the fish. I think this man was literally too excited to know what to do with himself and I bet he looked crazy.
I hope my life resembles Peter's in this way, so that my actions of love and desire to be with Christ appear a little insane.
I've been pretty busy these past couple weeks with wrapping up this semester of college and I'm pleased to announce that I am now a senior nursing student at Milligan College! This is so exciting and crazy for me, it appears that real adult life is right around the corner (or 362 days away.. but who's counting, right?). The overwhelming thought is not having any idea where in the world I'll be living a year from now, the exciting part is trusting God with that. I'm always up for a good adventure!
Speaking of adventure, I have a couple other pieces of exciting news. 1. My visa for the Ivory Coast has been received! 2. I have my plane tickets to and from the Ivory Coast! This is getting real, folks. I know now that I'm not only allowed in the country, but I also have a way of getting there (and my mom is pleased that I have tickets home ;) ).
Thank you all for your support, you rock! However, I still have about $1000 to raise, so if you were wondering whether I need your help, the answer is a resounding yes! It's been so awesome for me to see God working through his people to pave the path for me to serve in Africa, and I firmly believe that he will continue to do so.
I was reading in the book of John the other day and a particular part jumped out at me, I had to laugh a little bit at the mental image. In chapter 21 John shares this story of an interaction with the resurrected Christ. We have Peter, John, and a few other disciples that decided they'd like to go fishing (these guys had grown up fisherman so I get the sense that this was an incredibly calming and homey action for them). They fished through the night and didn't catch anything, which is kind of a bummer. Then, they hear this guy yelling at them from the shore, telling them to caste their nets on the other side, the disciples look at each other, shrug, say ok and do what they were told. Then John looks at Peter and says "isn't that the Lord?" and this is were is gets awesome. Peter grabs clothes (obviously he was the kind of guy to take his shirt off while fishin') jumps into the water and starts swimming to Jesus. At this point I imagine the other disciples looking at each other, mumbling something about Peter being crazy as they go about turning the boat to shore. I love how Peter was so excited to see Jesus that he couldn't wait another moment to get back to him. He dives right in, doesn't wait for the comfortable and safe boat to take him back, he just has to get there as fast as possible. The story continues with the boat arriving at shore and Peter jumping back in to help with the fish. I think this man was literally too excited to know what to do with himself and I bet he looked crazy.
I hope my life resembles Peter's in this way, so that my actions of love and desire to be with Christ appear a little insane.
Friday, April 11, 2014
Hugs from God
My roommate and I say that the sunshine is a hug from God, sometimes when we're walking and it's sunny we just stop and let the rays of warmth and light embrace us. This week has been full of hugs from God for me, full of gifts reminding me that he is good and he will provide a way for me to follow his call.
So, I few things happened this since my last post that I would like to update you on. I got all my paperwork together and sent in to apply for my visa. On Monday, I was full of anxiety over reaching my goal of 50% funding for The Ivory Coast, I could hardly breathe I was so stressed. I kept praying and telling myself to trust God, to turn all my anxiety and fears over to him. By Tuesday afternoon it had happened, the goal was reached and exceeded. I started crying because God did exactly what he said he would do, he provided want was needed when it was needed. So thank you, all of you who were praying for this and all of you who have support me financially. Thank you for letting God use you and joining me in this ministry. I'm currently 56% funded, which is awesome but also means there's still work to be done before I can board that plane.
So, I few things happened this since my last post that I would like to update you on. I got all my paperwork together and sent in to apply for my visa. On Monday, I was full of anxiety over reaching my goal of 50% funding for The Ivory Coast, I could hardly breathe I was so stressed. I kept praying and telling myself to trust God, to turn all my anxiety and fears over to him. By Tuesday afternoon it had happened, the goal was reached and exceeded. I started crying because God did exactly what he said he would do, he provided want was needed when it was needed. So thank you, all of you who were praying for this and all of you who have support me financially. Thank you for letting God use you and joining me in this ministry. I'm currently 56% funded, which is awesome but also means there's still work to be done before I can board that plane.
Friday, April 4, 2014
Without Borders, Thank you, Shots
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
These lyrics have been ringing in my head for the past couple weeks, they have become my prayer. I'm starting to get nervous about going to the Ivory Coast. My whole life I've said that I wanted to go far away, wherever God calls me, but that's a scary thing when it's right in front of you and you're taking steps into the dark.
Thank you thank you thank you to those of you who have supported me financially! I want to personally give you a all hug right now, I simply can't say thank you enough. You rock.
To my prayer warriors, you also rock! There's no way I could do this without you. A week from today 50% of my funding is due, I'm not there yet. This has been a challenge for me, I've always hated making money an issue, but it's the way our world works. I'm totally trusting that God will provide, but I believe he provides through his people. So please pray that he will raise up more people to help pave the way to Africa.
Today I went to the Washington County Health Department and got the immunizations needed to go to the Ivory Coast and to return home, so that's exciting and painful stuff! I had a nice little chat with the nurse there about where and why I'm travelling, it was cool to share with her the work that CMFI is doing around the world. That's all for now!
PS here's a link to the song I quoted in the beginning
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dy9nwe9_xzw&feature=kp
PPS once again here's the link to support me financially, just click on my name
www.cmfi.org/supportintern
Friday, March 21, 2014
Hello again. Côte d'Ivoire.
Hey Friends! I haven't blogged in awhile but here's to getting back into it! I'm going to be using this blog as a platform for all of you to follow, and know how to pray for me as I prepare for, and embark on, a pretty big adventure.
So here's the deal, this summer I am going to Abengourou, Ivory Coast. Below is a part of the support letter I sent out kind of giving the basic info on the trip:
So, without much ado, I'm asking that you do a couple things:
1) I ask that you pray. Pray for the people of the Ivory Coast, pray for the people I will come in contact with, pray for the ministy I will be working with, pray for the other interns I'll be travelling and working with, pray for the Gable's that I will be staying with, pray for me and my heart, and also please pray about whether you'll be able to financially support me in this mission.
2) Support me financially. While I firmly believe God is leading me to serve in the Ivory Coast that does not mean it's easy or that it's free. I'm in the midst of raising nearly $6000 to cover the expenses. This is an overwhelming number but we serve a great God and I have faith that he will provide (maybe though you?!) every penny of it. Seriously, don't think that maybe your gift is too small and won't make a difference, because it will. This is something I can't do alone.
3) Follow this blog! I will do my best to update you on where I'm at through my preparations and while abroad. I'll try to give you specific things to pray about regularly and maybe post an occasional picture or two ;)
Thanks so much for joining me on this adventure!
Courtney
ps here's a link to where you can go to support me financially! All you have to do is open the link, look to the right of your screen where it says "support your intern" click there, find my name (Courtney Blair, Ivory Coast) and click "give." Thanks again!
http://www.cmfi.org/REACH
So here's the deal, this summer I am going to Abengourou, Ivory Coast. Below is a part of the support letter I sent out kind of giving the basic info on the trip:
Many of you know the call to adventure and missions
that has long been on my heart. You know my dream and desire to follow the
Lord. It is one thing to dream and talk about answering that call and another
to actually doing it. I decided to stop dreaming and talking and start doing. This
summer, I serve as a REACH intern with Christian Mission Fellowship (CMF)
International in Ivory Coast, a country in West Africa.
At the end of May, I
will be joining other interns from around the country for a Pre-Departure
Orientation to serve overseas. My team of 4 will then journey to the Muslim
community of Abengourou, Ivory Coast for eight weeks, where we will serve
alongside CMF missionaries and Ivorian nationals. We will minister and show
Jesus to them through Community Health Evangelism (CHE). CHE is a program that
seeks to transform the lives of individuals physically, emotionally, and
spiritually. We will specifically work in a local HIV/AIDS and maternity clinic,
where I hope to use some of the nursing skills I’ve been learning at Milligan
College. We will also be educating and training church leaders in the area
before closing out our internship in Indianapolis for a time of debrief before
returning home. I’m excited to see how the Lord will work in and through me
this summer. So, without much ado, I'm asking that you do a couple things:
1) I ask that you pray. Pray for the people of the Ivory Coast, pray for the people I will come in contact with, pray for the ministy I will be working with, pray for the other interns I'll be travelling and working with, pray for the Gable's that I will be staying with, pray for me and my heart, and also please pray about whether you'll be able to financially support me in this mission.
2) Support me financially. While I firmly believe God is leading me to serve in the Ivory Coast that does not mean it's easy or that it's free. I'm in the midst of raising nearly $6000 to cover the expenses. This is an overwhelming number but we serve a great God and I have faith that he will provide (maybe though you?!) every penny of it. Seriously, don't think that maybe your gift is too small and won't make a difference, because it will. This is something I can't do alone.
3) Follow this blog! I will do my best to update you on where I'm at through my preparations and while abroad. I'll try to give you specific things to pray about regularly and maybe post an occasional picture or two ;)
Thanks so much for joining me on this adventure!
Courtney
ps here's a link to where you can go to support me financially! All you have to do is open the link, look to the right of your screen where it says "support your intern" click there, find my name (Courtney Blair, Ivory Coast) and click "give." Thanks again!
http://www.cmfi.org/REACH
Sunday, December 23, 2012
5 Months
5 months. It's been exactly 5 months since my last post. I feel almost silly writing now, 5 months is a long time to leave a blog sitting there. Blogs are about the writing and sharing, but mine has just been sitting there, occasionally taunting me as I've thought about writing but haven't.. Mostly it's just sat there.
As I look back over the past 5 months a lot has happened, I'm not really sure how to catch you up, or if I should even attempt such a thing. When last I wrote I was busy working at a day camp and life guarding, I actually began a blog post about my experience with that, but I never finished or posted it. I guess life caught up with me.. though I hardly feel that accurately describes what happened. I messed up. I didn't just mess up a little, I messed up a lot. When I say that "life caught up with me" I guess I really mean that I don't want to really share what happened in my heart. I don't really know what did happen in my heart, but I messed up. Looking back, whatever happened, whatever choices I made there at the end of summer and the beginning of school snowballed all semester. I couldn't write because I couldn't lie here too. I guess if we were to compare my choices and my attitude it wasn't that awful, I could have done a lot worse things, easily. I'm still a "good girl."
When I'm home I volunteer with the Jr High class at my church. I love it. I guess that's weird, most people don't like Jr High, but I love those kids. Sometimes I'm asked to actually teach the class, before I started volunteering I was told that I would learn more from teaching than I would actually be able to teach. I didn't realize how true that would be. Every time I teach I find myself in tears in preparation as my lesson suddenly becomes a mirror that reflects my life back to me.
Last night I was texting my roommate, I hadn't talked to her for a week since we've both been home for Christmas break. We got to talking about letting go of our dreams and letting God take control of our lives. I didn't think a whole lot about it, I've grown up the church, of course I'll do whatever God wants.
A little bit later I was working on my Jr High lesson for today. Christmas is in two days and I really didn't want to get to crazy, instead I decided we would simply read the story. Sometimes I think we start talking too much and forget to actually read the bible.. I'm guilty of that anyway. So last night I was reading about the birth of Christ beginning with the Angel coming to Mary. This part of the story always intrigues me, I guess because I'm a girl and I always wonder how I would react if an angel were to tell me I was pregnant.. Her response always gets me and last night it was as if the words were leaping off the page and I couldn't think about much else the rest of the night. Mary said to the Angel, "I am the Lords servant, may it be to me according to his word."
My church just hired a new site pastor, I met him last week and he seems cool, but today was his first day preaching. We joked that it was the big test, he'd passed all the others, pretty wife, cute daughter.. but this sermon was what it all came down to. He started preaching and talking about his own experience learning to trust God.. I was getting that feeling that I was supposed to hear this while my head starts screaming curse words. Then he reads the rest of Mary's response to the Angels announcement, as she praises the Lord. To use his words, Mary's life was wrecked, all her plans were suddenly crushed and there she stood declaring herself the Lords servant and singing his praise. And I'm sitting there thinking to myself, realizing that especially these past 5 months I've been taking life into my own hands. I've messed up because I stopped trusting God with my life. I've been clinging so tightly to my plan instead of pursuing his plan.
I sat there in the middle of church fighting tears, fighting the curses, fighting numbness. I felt like I'd been slapped in the face. I guess I get it, clearly God was telling me something I've been ignoring for at least the past 5 months. It's time for me to surrender and give my life back to him, because maybe he has something more in store than I had planned for myself. I really hope so actually. Because these past 5 months, as I've been in charge of my life, I've made some poor choices, done some things I regret, lost a lot of friends, and everything has had an edge of bitterness.. I haven't felt the joy and sunshine that has always been such a part of my life.
That's not to say I haven't been enjoying my sunrises and my new days-that's something that could never change, the pictures on my phone hold enough proof of that. But I look forward to the sunrises of surrender, of learning to follow Mary's example and say "I am the Lords servant, may it be to me according to your word"
As I look back over the past 5 months a lot has happened, I'm not really sure how to catch you up, or if I should even attempt such a thing. When last I wrote I was busy working at a day camp and life guarding, I actually began a blog post about my experience with that, but I never finished or posted it. I guess life caught up with me.. though I hardly feel that accurately describes what happened. I messed up. I didn't just mess up a little, I messed up a lot. When I say that "life caught up with me" I guess I really mean that I don't want to really share what happened in my heart. I don't really know what did happen in my heart, but I messed up. Looking back, whatever happened, whatever choices I made there at the end of summer and the beginning of school snowballed all semester. I couldn't write because I couldn't lie here too. I guess if we were to compare my choices and my attitude it wasn't that awful, I could have done a lot worse things, easily. I'm still a "good girl."
When I'm home I volunteer with the Jr High class at my church. I love it. I guess that's weird, most people don't like Jr High, but I love those kids. Sometimes I'm asked to actually teach the class, before I started volunteering I was told that I would learn more from teaching than I would actually be able to teach. I didn't realize how true that would be. Every time I teach I find myself in tears in preparation as my lesson suddenly becomes a mirror that reflects my life back to me.
Last night I was texting my roommate, I hadn't talked to her for a week since we've both been home for Christmas break. We got to talking about letting go of our dreams and letting God take control of our lives. I didn't think a whole lot about it, I've grown up the church, of course I'll do whatever God wants.
A little bit later I was working on my Jr High lesson for today. Christmas is in two days and I really didn't want to get to crazy, instead I decided we would simply read the story. Sometimes I think we start talking too much and forget to actually read the bible.. I'm guilty of that anyway. So last night I was reading about the birth of Christ beginning with the Angel coming to Mary. This part of the story always intrigues me, I guess because I'm a girl and I always wonder how I would react if an angel were to tell me I was pregnant.. Her response always gets me and last night it was as if the words were leaping off the page and I couldn't think about much else the rest of the night. Mary said to the Angel, "I am the Lords servant, may it be to me according to his word."
My church just hired a new site pastor, I met him last week and he seems cool, but today was his first day preaching. We joked that it was the big test, he'd passed all the others, pretty wife, cute daughter.. but this sermon was what it all came down to. He started preaching and talking about his own experience learning to trust God.. I was getting that feeling that I was supposed to hear this while my head starts screaming curse words. Then he reads the rest of Mary's response to the Angels announcement, as she praises the Lord. To use his words, Mary's life was wrecked, all her plans were suddenly crushed and there she stood declaring herself the Lords servant and singing his praise. And I'm sitting there thinking to myself, realizing that especially these past 5 months I've been taking life into my own hands. I've messed up because I stopped trusting God with my life. I've been clinging so tightly to my plan instead of pursuing his plan.
I sat there in the middle of church fighting tears, fighting the curses, fighting numbness. I felt like I'd been slapped in the face. I guess I get it, clearly God was telling me something I've been ignoring for at least the past 5 months. It's time for me to surrender and give my life back to him, because maybe he has something more in store than I had planned for myself. I really hope so actually. Because these past 5 months, as I've been in charge of my life, I've made some poor choices, done some things I regret, lost a lot of friends, and everything has had an edge of bitterness.. I haven't felt the joy and sunshine that has always been such a part of my life.
That's not to say I haven't been enjoying my sunrises and my new days-that's something that could never change, the pictures on my phone hold enough proof of that. But I look forward to the sunrises of surrender, of learning to follow Mary's example and say "I am the Lords servant, may it be to me according to your word"
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